The Joy of Singing

When I was young, I went through various "phases" of talents and aspirations. Art was always in the background, but it took a while for art to accept most of my concentration. My earliest aspiration I can remember was to be the first female pro sports athlete in a men's league...but I quickly gave up on that dream after attempting to play basketball on the playground with a group of guys. It was pretty boring running around screaming, "I'm open, I'm open!" and then blowing the open shot on the off chance that I actually got a hold on the ball. Nope, pro sports was not for me, though I still enjoy playing sports.

But enough about sports, what I really wanted to write this blog post about was singing, my second major childhood aspiration. From probably about the time I was 5 or 6, I can remember frequently singing solos at church. It was something I enjoyed doing, but I mainly did it because I knew A) that I was good at it, and B)My mom loved it, asdid the rest of the church.

The first time I really thought that I wanted to be a singer was (wow, this is kind of embarrassing) when I first saw a broadcast of Cats on PBS. I think I was probably about 11 or 12 at the time, and by the end of the show, I had a new aspiration: I was going to be a Broadway star. I began singing even more, singing in school programs and auditioning for school talent shows. I mostly was drawn to musicals by Andrew Lloyd Webber...I would listen to Phantom of the Opera and dream of one day playing the part of Christine Daae. I thrived on the feeling of standing up on stage in front of an audience, the exhilaration of applause and the congratulations after the performance. It was the best feeling in the world.

It all changed at my sixth grade talent show. I was going to sing Whistle Down the Wind, a beautiful song from an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical of the same title. The day of the performance came, and I didn't feel the same excitement that I usually felt before a performance. Instead I felt physically ill, like I was going to puke if I even tried to go up on stage and sing. The thought of my voice being heard by so many people made my mouth go dry, my palms sweaty, and my throat close up. I think I called my mom crying at least 4 or 5 times that day, saying "I can't do it Mom. I'm going to be sick." I had completely lost confidence in myself and my abilities. I tend to blame the whole ordeal on the self awareness that puberty tends to bring (along with awkwardness and zits).

Somehow, I made it up on stage and I sang my song. I know it wasn't as good as it could have been, but truthfully I was happy to make it through the whole ordeal. I decided that I would never be a Broadway singer, or any kind of singer for that matter. I didn't sing in front of an audience again until high school, when I was in musicals in drama club.

Had I stayed on the path of "Broadway Musical Star," I doubt I would have ever been good enough to make it there. But I still love to sing, it is one of my favorite things to do. I started thinking about this because I was just in the shower singing "Defying Gravity" and thinking about how great it feels to just let loose and sing. Music is to this day one of my major loves in life. Maybe someday I will sing again...but for now, I guess I will just have to be satisfied with Tracy and I's rendition of The Phantom of the Opera...which if you have not had the priviledge of hearing, boy, are you missing out!